[ Because there is this part of him that can't help but worry about Clarke, now. How much of that self-destructive behavior is something she'd experienced before? Or if nothing else, is it something she has the potential to fall into, even here? ]
Not sure what to tell you, though. Sometimes the world chews you up and spits you back out.
The Clarke in Zerzura is closer to who I really am. I'll do a lot of dangerous and stupid things for my people.
[There, it had primarily been "for my daughter," but the real Madi had helped Clarke refocus her perspective. For her daughter had to become for her people all over again, all to make it so that she was no longer disappointing the girl she had taken into her care.]
Used to be pretty people-focused myself, which you could probably guess. But when all that effort just ended up putting them and myself in danger, it seemed pretty clear they were better off without me.
[ Less in a suicidal way and more in a fake-your-own-death way, but he doesn't really clarify. ]
[Clarke has flirted with both versions of that, at least to some degree. She didn't fake her death, but she disappeared from society. As for suicidal ideation, as well as trying to carry it out? She has that in spades. She doesn't know which one it is with him.]
If I've learned anything, it's not up to us to decide if we're wanted or not.
[ Given that Jack spent six years avoiding the people he felt he'd wronged, faking his own death so that he could stop influencing and ruining their lives, they aren't going to agree on this. ]
[ Jack's not sure he even wants to entertain this, and he considers not responding at all. But remembering how raw Clarke had been in the Aerie, it doesn't feel right to completely shut her down either. He doesn't like that he's giving into that, but when all it takes to send a message is a thought, it's not as easy to pull back. ]
Not much I can do while I'm here. All the people who were affected are back home, and I still have no idea if I'm going back there. So it's a moot point.
The way I see it, sometimes it's nice to try to live up to someone's expectations of you. The good ones. Even if you can't pull it off. It's nice to try.
[And if they didn't want him to go, that comes with its own set of expectations and beliefs. Clarke thinks she knows herself better than anyone, but that isn't always a good thing. Trying to be someone else is difficult, especially when she fails.
[After reading what she said, Clarke shakes her head at herself. It sounds more like she is just trying to blindly believe in him, rather than simply speaking from experience.
Its definitely the latter.]
That's what I was doing before I got back here. Trying to make amends. Trying to live up to someone who believed in me and gave me and my people a better life.
I did enough bad things that I hide them away here from others. Because the people who see me as an obstacle would use it against me. But I haven't stopped trying.
[It's just that she slips. When she was angry with Rey, she slipped.]
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@clarke.griffin
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If I knew I could speed up the process by offing myself, I would have taken more drastic measures back there.
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[Not that she listened.]
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[It's non-sequitur in nature, but there's a reason why she's bringing it up.]
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[ The memory is there, somewhere, but it's so fuzzy that it doesn't even register at first. ]
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Lighter.
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Younger?
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I know I'm not supposed to ask about how you got from there to here, but with the Aerie and all, it's getting kind of hard to mind my business.
[This is also because she's Clarke, and Clarke isn't good at minding her business.]
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Fake or not, it sticks with you.
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[ Because there is this part of him that can't help but worry about Clarke, now. How much of that self-destructive behavior is something she'd experienced before? Or if nothing else, is it something she has the potential to fall into, even here? ]
Not sure what to tell you, though. Sometimes the world chews you up and spits you back out.
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The Clarke in Zerzura is closer to who I really am. I'll do a lot of dangerous and stupid things for my people.
[There, it had primarily been "for my daughter," but the real Madi had helped Clarke refocus her perspective. For her daughter had to become for her people all over again, all to make it so that she was no longer disappointing the girl she had taken into her care.]
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[ Less in a suicidal way and more in a fake-your-own-death way, but he doesn't really clarify. ]
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If I've learned anything, it's not up to us to decide if we're wanted or not.
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[ Given that Jack spent six years avoiding the people he felt he'd wronged, faking his own death so that he could stop influencing and ruining their lives, they aren't going to agree on this. ]
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[High on the list of things that irritate Clarke: someone shutting her down when she's trying to have a Moment with them.]
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Not much I can do while I'm here. All the people who were affected are back home, and I still have no idea if I'm going back there. So it's a moot point.
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[And if they didn't want him to go, that comes with its own set of expectations and beliefs. Clarke thinks she knows herself better than anyone, but that isn't always a good thing. Trying to be someone else is difficult, especially when she fails.
And she fails a lot.]
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1/2
And sometimes that just begins with doing it.
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Its definitely the latter.]
That's what I was doing before I got back here. Trying to make amends. Trying to live up to someone who believed in me and gave me and my people a better life.
I did enough bad things that I hide them away here from others. Because the people who see me as an obstacle would use it against me. But I haven't stopped trying.
[It's just that she slips. When she was angry with Rey, she slipped.]
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What made you decide that this one person's expectations were the ones to live up to?
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